Stop Oversharing: Why Unfiltered Emotional Honesty Might Be Hurting Your Relationship

You've Been Told to Share... But Has Anyone Told You How?

You’ve been told to share your feelings.
To speak your truth.
To never hold it in.

But what if that well-intentioned advice—
is actually what’s keeping you stuck?

If every time you try to express yourself, your partner gets defensive, shuts down, or the whole thing ends in a blow-up... this conversation is for you.

This isn’t about stuffing your emotions.
It’s about leading them.
Because emotional honesty without emotional maturity isn’t intimacy—it’s emotional discharge.
And it’s damaging your connection.

The Hidden Danger of "Just Being Honest"

Most of us were never taught how to share feelings consciously—we were taught to just get it out.

But when you lead with unprocessed emotion, you’re not building connection.
You’re creating a minefield.

⚠️ Hard truth (courtesy of Terry Real):

“Dumping your unhappiness on your partner in the name of truth is not intimacy—it’s abuse.”

If that stings… good. That means we’re getting somewhere.
Because you’re too powerful to confuse venting with vulnerability.

The 90/10 Rule: What Your Feelings are Really About

Here’s the truth most people miss:

90% of your emotional reaction is about you.
Only 10% is about what your partner actually did.

Your feelings are valid—yes.
But they are your responsibility.

They come from your stories. Your triggers. Your nervous system.
That doesn’t mean your partner is off the hook for poor behavior.
But it does mean you need to own your part first.

Emotional Leadership: How to Share Without Starting a Fight

Before you open your mouth to share a feeling—
Pause.
And ask yourself these 5 powerful questions:

1. Where is this feeling coming from?

Is it about a need not being met—or an old wound being activated?

2. Have I owned my part in what I’m feeling?

What’s mine to own here? What beliefs, expectations, or past experiences are shaping this moment?

3. What do I actually want as a result of sharing this?

Are you looking for validation, repair, change, or control?

4. Am I sharing to connect—or to discharge discomfort?

Connection requires clarity. Dumping doesn’t.

5. How can I share this in a way that gets me what I desire?

This is where emotional maturity meets relational strategy.

Real Talk from the Road: A Relationship Story

On a recent road trip with our four kids, I (Jeni) was feeling underappreciated.
I’d been doing so much, and I wanted Cal to see me.

I could’ve snapped.
Instead, I practiced what I preach.

I asked, “Can I share something?”
Then I calmly expressed what I was feeling and what I needed:

“I’ve been feeling unappreciated. I’d love some verbal recognition of all the things I’m doing.”

He heard me.
No big speech. No dramatic moment.
But later that day, I had the urge to be petty. To “teach him a lesson” when he didn’t say thank you after I said bless you after he sneezed. 😤

I caught it.
I let it go.
Because leadership means not letting your mood dictate your impact.
That’s the power of emotional regulation.

Want to Share Feelings and Create Connection? Slow Down.

Here’s the bottom line:

💥 Unprocessed emotional honesty creates disconnection.
💖 Conscious emotional leadership creates intimacy.

You get to share your truth.
But you also get to decide how, when, and why.
That’s where your power is.

You Don’t Need to Do This Alone

If you’re tired of emotional chaos…
If you’re done trying to connect through conversations that only create more distance…

Then it’s time to upgrade your skills.
Not just in theory—in practice.

✨ Join The Relationship (R)Evolution

Our monthly membership where you’ll learn how to:

• Share feelings with power, not pressure

• Communicate without collapse or chaos

• Lead your relationship with clarity and love
  (Even if your partner isn’t doing the work—yet.)

Founding member rate still available:
👉 Join now for just $97/month »